May 11, 2011

I Find You Again!!!

You seemed like a li'l butterfly resting on my hand 
Other times... 
In the cloudy skies you appeared like a colored band!!! 

Your face shined like the morning sun. 
You glowed in the sky as the radiant moon!! 

Turning into a star you winked at me. 
At times.. 
You become the blanket I slept under peacefully. 

You seem like the sound of the waves crashing on the rock. 
You appeared at the door as the most awaited knock. 

You were like the smell of earth after the rain 
You were the antibiotic that heals the pain. 

You were the hen that gathers her chicken 
Who covers them with her wings 
and protects her children. 

I saw you in the sweetest smile. 
You are the reason for me 
To walk that extra mile. 

And then sometimes
As I fall asleep... 
I find you gone.. 
But in my dreams 
The only place possible to meet you, 
I find you again!! 
I find you again!! 


May 10, 2011

Disconnected Inside -2!!!

(Please note that this is the continuation of the previous blog)

Immediately, D’Souza had requested for a meeting with the senior committee members of the orphanage and other psychologists to help them realize the seriousness of this case. However, it was at 4 PM that D’Souza heard a knock on his door.  On giving permission to enter, a confident looking lady in her early 30’s entered and took her seat. She was lean and looked much older than her actual age. Her face was wrinkled way too early, but as she approached closer he knew that it was probably since she was obese earlier, because the wrinkles were actually loosened up skin. However, he offered her some sweets, with which initially she seemed to be pleased. But, suddenly she looked a little disturbed, did not maintain any eye contact, played with her hair behind the ears, kept swallowing for no reason looking everywhere except him, finally looked like she had to gather up all her courage and said that she would prefer talking to him a little later and left hurriedly before he could say anything further. All he did was smile with satisfaction as if he just achieved something.

Minutes later, he was relieved on knowing that the meeting he longed for from some time now has been finally confirmed at 6 PM the same day. D’Souza was ready for this big day and knew that convincing people this time would take too much of his effort. As he entered the board room, he saw around 20-25 people seated, all dressed formally and with an eagerness to listen to him. He glanced through the crowd and the next moment knew all who mattered were right there.

He directly walked towards the stage, stood behind the podium, arranged all his papers, switched on the projector so that he could begin the presentation. One of the committee members mockingly questioned, “When would you come over that silly girl D’Souza? We know all about her through your previous meetings do you have anything new to offer??”. D’Souza smiled with a radiance of confidence in his face and replied- “It’s the same girl, so the facts ought to be same, but this time there are new findings and I request all of you to listen with an open mind.”

His first slide showed four main names that of Krithika, Christy, Cathy and Kali and he read their personality traits, regular behavior and age. Even though the crowd seemed disinterested he continued that Krithika believed she was born 17 years ago and had to be responsible for herself and her younger cousin since her mother who was the only breadwinner of the family too had passed away. Hence, she seemed always to be protective and caring of others. Christy claimed that she was 12 and often blamed her temper and misbehavior on how neglected she was as a kid. She claims that no one in the world is real good. It was followed by Cathy, 9 who said that she missed her mother who died in an accident and so always remained sober. Kali, 4 was too young to tell anything about her family yet. Then, he moved towards the centre of the stage, taking care that all get to see the next slide which was important. Meanwhile, a lady questioned as to “Where are we heading to D’Souza?” He clicked for the next slide and said “Here”.

There were whispers all around, astonishment in everyone’s eyes looking at a picture of a 34 year old lady. Before anyone could question the relevance he said, this photo is of the girl I was talking about all these while. Silence is what prevailed for some time later. No one seemed to follow any of it until one of the committee member said with complete confusion- “That’s Kamini”. D’Souza smiled and said “Exactly”. This was something he tried to prove all these while. He continued his presenting until he saw signs of acceptance in everyone’s face.

He stressed on the fact that this 32 year old lady was Kamini who believed that she was Krithika and also thought she was only 17. Moreover, the three others were only her imaginary friends who never existed. They were all her alter egos. The fact was Kamini was suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder (known as DID syndrome). Over the years, she had forgotten her own identity. He then presented a video which was taken just some time back. It showed Kamini, entering his office since he had told her to meet him at 4.00 PM. The video displayed how her personality changed from a confident girl (Kamini) to shy and introvert girl (Christy). Everyone in the crowd seemed astonished at what they just saw. D’Souza continued saying that he had asked her to meet him since he wanted to capture the different personality in the video so that all could see what this lady is going through. For the records, he cleared that he was a little worried initially about his plan but that plate of sweets did all the magic necessary. This baffled the crowd even more. He told that Cathy was an ego that was created when Kamini had lost both her mother and grandmother. Moreover, due to stress and unable to handle the tension for some time she suffered from eating disorder which in turn made her very obese. Today, Kamini remained very quiet when her alter ego Cathy emerges and is so lean because Cathy believes that she is very obese contradicting to the fact that Kamini is absolutely anemic and thin. This alter ego often appears when Kamini decides to eat. It was when he offered a plate of sweets that Cathy appeared and unsure as always she chose to run away from the situation. To prove himself correct he passed on the painting by Cathy which she thought was her. The painting showed a thin girl standing before a mirror, but the image on the mirror was fat and huge. Exactly the way Cathy perceived herself.

He continued saying that, whenever she is called Kamini, its Christy who takes over. He showed another video of it which was captured by the classroom surveillance camera earlier that day. D’Souza claimed that Christy was formed when she was left uncared as a child since her grandmother was too old and her mother was always trying to gather some money for survival. This created a rebellious character who always thought everyone was mean and selfish. Finally, he said Kali, a 4 year old is also an alter ego which could have been formed due to one of the hardships at an early age. Since, that alter ego was too immature to respond, the chances of finding out the reason is very little. Further, he told that Kamini probably hated herself and her life so much that she had to build in all these different personalities to move on with her life. Eventually, that led to her forgetting her own identity and hatred towards it. Strangely, he said that all the alter egos supported one another for survival and that’s why they thought of each other as a family which is one of the most essential things that Kamini missed. He finally stressed that their names if carefully observed depicted the truth. All the names were from “K”. Despite Christy and Cathy began from “C”, they were pronounced as “K”.

The crowd was amazed at the detailed study he did and was more or less convinced. He then begged them, to support him to help Kamini both morally and financially. The committee as usual said they will formally update about it the next day after a discussion within themselves. D’Souza nodded in agreement. All the other psychologists present also promised him the support required pertaining to the case. Soon, the therapy for Kamini had begun. Initially, it was difficult and she had to be taken care due to her suicidal tendencies. Over time, the duration of the presence of her alter egos remained long opposed to the times earlier when she used to be all personalities many times a day. Later for days, all could hear the piano playing and it was Krithika. Some days there were paints all around proving this time it was Cathy. The treatment continued over the years, and today Kamini is very well aware of her alter egos which still appears but no more does she shy away from her true identity. Mr. D’Souza is no more, but his work had brought about enough recognition that many budding psychologists have taken over this case. The orphanage still continues to function and now also takes care of psychological aspects of the people enrolled in it.

P.S: Most of the character in the story are based out of my imagination and some of them are the ones I picked up over time while reading. However, the complete outline of the story is purely fictional. ;)


May 3, 2011

Disconnected Inside -1!!!

Krithika, 17 was the eldest, the guiding light for the others. She was extremely protective, brave and focused. Christy, 12 on the other hand was a very rebellious kid and often got into trouble. Her temper was only adding on to her misery. Catherine (often referred to as Cathy) 9 was a very silent kid. She was shy and was conscious of everything she eats since she knew she was obese and had to cut down. The youngest of them all was Kali who was just four years old, playful and everyone’s pet. Let it be prayer, play time or having food, the four of them stuck onto one another always. They were more than a family to each other.

These kids did not stay in hostel but in an orphanage which was not only a home for the kids but also had a school with extracurricular classes, prayer hall and a playground. Little did it bother them that the other kids somehow chose to keep a little distance. If Krithika spent her time reading new books and playing piano, Cathy buried herself into painting, Christy did not particularly have any interests than picking up arguments and all Kali knew was to play.

Krithika along with the others one day was seated in her class when one of the boys addressed to her as “Kamini” and continued talking until he saw Krithika fuming with anger. Most of them knew that Krithika would be extremely annoyed if someone called her so and on the other hand Krithika just hated it because she knew all would soon begin to bully her again. All of a sudden it was Christy the rebel who interfered and told him never to repeat it again using foul language (which was quiet strange for a girl of her age to use). Everyone in the class turned towards them and all seemed to be shocked and worried. Immediately, the class tutor took Krithika to her cabin to avoid any more hassles. Krithika knew three others would follow just like always.

According to Krithika, this repeated every day. Others bullied her, called her names which would trigger Christy who would be furious and on previous occasions had even got into a brawl. The tutor promised them that she would help Krithika since it’s high time now and dialed a number. Krithika gave a sigh of relief. After waiting for more than an hour, she found an old man with a big belly, clean shaven head and spectacles clinging on to his nose walked into the room with a friendly smile. He whispered something into her tutor’s ears and then seated himself comfortably on the other end, placing all his books on the table exactly opposite to Krithika.

He then began the conversation introducing himself as “Mr.D’Souza” and followed saying the disastrous thing ever- “Hi Kamini”. Krithika was furious again, corrected him but deep inside knew he did that deliberately.
He apologized and asked her as to what her age is and who her friends in the orphanage are?
She responded as to she was 17, then named Cathy, Christy and Kali respectively. There was tension in the man’s face. He seemed confused and anxious all at the same time. He then told Krithika that he would see her at 4.00 PM in the evening and solve all the issues.

Turning towards the tutor after Krithika left, he said “It’s getting worse isn’t it? I think we need to confide the truth.” The tutor nodded her head in agreement and asked how to go about it.
Mr. D’Souza said the only resort would be hypnotism and also stressed on the fact that it would need a lot of preparations. If not, things could go drastically wrong. He had to plan things meticulously because he knew even though he would treat one person on the outside it was several to deal with. The thought that there could be more worried him. It was a mind game, far more serious than all his previous psychology cases. He had to make her follow that all her classmates are right when they call her Kamini which means she was wrong this whole while thinking she was Krithika. There were more bitter truths coming her way.

Was she living a lie this whole while? Do her friends really exist? What actually went wrong with her? Do find out in the next blog :)

C Yah Soon!!