In Actuality!

This was written by me some years back. Having found this the other day in my diary, I felt that this was probably worth an entry into my blog unlike the others. This is neither an article nor a poem alone, but a combination of both. I guess the cluelessness, somewhere also resembles my state of mind then. Wonder why did I let dust to settle on this all this while?

I tell you that I am afraid of heights,

And without a doubt you believe,

When in reality I am just afraid of Falling,

Now, tell me did I deceive?

I say to you that I hate silence,

And in me, you blindly trust,

Actually I am scared of the void it creates,

Please let me know if I was unjust?

Today, I shall confide in you that,

It is not the turbulent waves that scare me,

But my capacity to resist them!
It is not the trust that worries me,

But the damage it would cause if I am ever let down!

I am not apprehensive to walk together,

But afraid that you might just disappear!

I am not petrified to cry,

But wonder if the world will laugh at my tears!

I am not terrified to dream,

But I am fearful of having to wake up again!

It is not the darkness I detest,

But am perturbed about what might be hiding within!

The confrontation is not what bothers me,

As much as the fact of being misunderstood yet again!

I am not afraid of hanging on

But to live yet another lie in vain!

It doesn’t matter to let go,

But worry of leaving a major part of me behind!

And so,

I stay away from heights,

try to befriend silence,
I run away from signs of turbulence,
And turn away from trust,
I attempt to walk alone,
Strive to hide my tears,
I lock my dreams away,
And shield myself from love,
I dare not explore darkness,
Hesitate to confront,
I am reluctant to hang on,
And am unable to let go!


My fears might be misinterpreted but that still makes me a coward, doesn't it?

Ciao,

HPK!!!